To help you learn a little more about the podcast we’ve devised this guide to our segments. As with any other podcast we have our quirks and eccentricities, so if you’re wondering why Emma Watson gets referenced by us far too much, then look no further:
Shag, Marry or Kill? : This segment is our cinematic version of the game. We choose one film from the week we’d “shag” (have a one night-stand with, or essentially watch right now), one we’d “marry” (so watch every week for the rest of our lives), and one we’d kill (destroy all the cinematic negatives of so it doesn’t exist). Sometimes it’s an easy choice, sometimes politics get in the way as certain very good films have very little rewatch value, and occasionally we have the “double homicide”, but this is our way of comparing the week’s releases.
Red Light District: The Red Light District is far less raunchy a segment than its title would suggest. Essentially it’s when we take the opportunity to “pimp” a film that people may not have seen and should check out if they can. It’s not our most regular segment, but whenever we get a chance to be positive this one’s always a welcome addition.
The Joe Wright Rant: The Joe Wright Rant of the Week is less of a segment than the moment when Pete realises he’s gone off into a rant of disbelief about something. Of course, being Pete, he isn’t even actually quoting Joe Wright’s infamous BAFTA speech correctly, where Britain’s towering directorial genius (too much? :P) took the classy road vis-a-vis Keira Knightley’s snub for “Pride and Prejudice” and said “I don’t know what she’s not doing here tonight”. Regardless, whenever we’re struck dumb by something that is incomprehensible to us and we catch ourselves mid-sentence … that’s The Joe Wright Rant of the Week.
*The Watson Factor : The Watson Factor came about following a comment of Pete’s at the end of episode 19 that the amount of good looking women in the films we’d discussed was so ridiculous that Emma Watson (who was in “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” that week) could well be the 5th best looking woman “on show”. Never ones to resist the opportunity to be superficial, thereafter we created the week’s “Watson Factor”, which is the number where Emma would fit against this particular week’s feminine competition. Essentially, the higher the number, the more insane it is, but she usually holds her own quite well.
*The Olsen Factor : In May 2014, The Watson Factor was declared defunct and the baseline was replaced by Elizabeth Olsen in “Godzilla.”
**The Pootsition : In Dec. 2014, The Olsen Factor was declared defunct and the baseline was replaced by Imogen Poots in “Jimi: All Is By My Side”.
*The Poupaud Range : A few weeks after the creation of The Watson factor, we balanced out the gender equality following Cal’s discovery of French actor Melvil Poupaud’s dashingness. Quick to pick up on this, Pete instituted “The Poupaud Range” in order to gauge the week’s relative male attractiveness using Melvil as the baseline. For some unknown reason Pete repeatedly insists on adding a “.0” after the score, otherwise it works exactly the same way as The Watson Factor.
*The Isaac Range : In May 2014, The Poupaud Range was declared defunct and the baseline was replaced by Oscar Isaac in “The Two Faces of January”.
**The Garrett Gauge : In Dec. 2014, The Isaac Range was declared defunct and the baseline was replaced by Garrett Hedlund in “Unbroken”.
The Seydoux Clause : This is a clarification that was initiated after Cal disputed Pete’s inclusion of Lea Seydoux (in Sister) over Watson because of how she looked in that particular film. The Seydoux Clause, following on from that, is that someone who would normally be higher than Emma or Melvil may be dropped below using this justification. This will also include Watson and Poupaud themselves when we review their future films, which is yet to happen.
The Hathaway Protocol: The Hathaway Protocol has become a necessary offshoot of the Watson Factor as Pete took to using the Seydoux Clause based on short hair cuts, which he’s not a fan of (it’s less of an issue for Cal). So having such an obvious example of a woman making herself look terrible by cropping the locks as Anne Hathaway gave us in “Les Miserables”, The Hathaway Protocol was born so the purity of the Seydoux Clause could remain intact.
The Saldana Situation: This segment came into fruition in episode 85 when Pete reviewed Scott Cooper’s small-town drama “Out of the Furnace.” Pete objected so heavily to Zoe Saldana’s character in the film that it prevented her from usurping Emma Watson in that week’s Watson Factor, leading to the stipulation that any actor or actress who would normally be ahead based on appearance alone but is negated by the nature of their on-screen role is the victim of a “Saldana Situation.”
The Bell Boost: This rare and infrequent rule was devised in episode 116 when Lake Bell, hampered by a rather thankless role as Jon Hamm’s love interest in “Million Dollar Arm,” managed to seduce both he and Pete with her dazzling charisma (Bell achieved this with the use of a sari, which is often Pete’s weakness.) Effectively the inversion of The Saldana Situation, any elevation of an actor or actress through sheer will of personality and charm above perceived appearance deficits could lead to them receiving a Bell Boost.
The Huston Factor: Often the bane of the podcast, Danny Huston’s lowest moment came in episode 42 when, in useless Nicholas Cage vehicle “Stolen,” he donned a stunningly misjudged bowler hat which made him look like a bad Charlie Chaplin impersonator. It was then proclaimed that any costuming faux-pas, regardless of whether it affects any of the other segments, would be deemed a Huston Problem, honouring the dishonour of Danny Huston’s dreadful attire.
The Christie Clanger: It’s fair to say that in the course of several years we’ve had our share of factual mishaps on the podcast, but we rarely get pulled up on them. However, when Cal reviewed “Lilting,” in episode 110 he referred to actress Naomi Christie’s Leeds accent, leading to an entire digression on Pete’s time at university there amid its interesting nightlife. Much to Cal’s embarrassment, it was left to Naomi herself to correct him via Twitter, revealing that she was in fact from Manchester and not Leeds. In episode 111 it was then decided that such a calamitous error would forever be known as a Christie Clanger. Incidentally, we have yet to discuss the benefits of Manchester’s nightlife.